(photo courtesy: Google images)
“A friend loves at all
times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”- Proverbs 17:17( NIV)
This is a follow-up to my post on handling difficult people
Difficult people are going to enter our lives. I will stand
by the three things we need to do when we have to experience difficult people
(pray, love, serve). However, what happens when they begin to overtake our
lives? What happens when we have someone in our life that wears us out and is
constantly draining our energy?
This is a difficult question. However, it has a very easy
answer, but difficult for us to act on.
First, before we answer, let’s look at what people do to
drain us.
We might have people who constantly complain. They can’t
find anything good in this world. They might see some light, but end up putting
a sheet of negativity over it. So, what do we do?
We might have someone who is manipulative. They make you
feel guilty for not helping them. They make you feel like you’re a horrible
friend or relative if you’re not there when they need you.
However, when you
need them, they’re nowhere to be found. What next?
What about that person who constantly drags you down spiritually,
mentally, and/or emotionally? When do we cut ties with someone like that?
The list could go on and on of people who make our lives
difficult. So, what do we do?
Here’s what we don’t do: We don’t stop loving, serving or
praying for them. We don’t kick them out of our lives.
What we do: We keep our distance. Christ told his disciples
to pray for their enemies. He ate at the sinners home, but He didn’t go to the
people who were going to kill Him and say “Hey! Let’s chill.”
In Acts 15:36-41, Paul and Barnabas had a disagreement about
bringing John (also called Mark) on a trip to meet with other churches. Paul
didn’t want to take him, but Barnabas really felt like it was necessary. Paul
didn’t want to bring John because he bailed on Paul and others for an earlier
trip due to a possible family issue or fear of danger in the travel (Acts
13:13). Paul felt like it wasn’t healthy to bring someone who might hinder the
ministry.
What does this mean for us? When we have someone in our life
that is hindering our ability to do what we are called to do, then we need to
step away from that relationship.
When we have someone in our life that causes us constant
pain, then we might have to step away from that relationship. Their selfishness
is found in how they treat you. If they don’t care about how you feel, then
they are selfish and toxic. You need to analyze that relationship and possibly
create some distance.
Friendships are hard to call off. Relationships are hard to
end, especially when they have gone on for so long. However, we need to assess
the situation and take the necessary steps to create a healthy environment for our
self.
Here is the rub: Paul and Barnabas spoke about the issue and
discovered they couldn’t agree, so they had to separate. We need to be honest
with the people we are considering stepping away from. They might not realize
their flaw. If they choose to repent and fix their issue, then great, move
forward and guard yourself. If they choose to ignore your concerns or belittle
your concern, then take the step to walk away.
It is about your health. It is about your ability to love
and serve people more. It is about your spiritual health and connecting in a
healthy way with God. God doesn’t want us to have friends that hinder our
ability to grow, “iron sharpens iron”(Proverbs 27:17) and he doesn’t want us to
be connected with people who will lead us down a path against Him (2
Corinthians 6:14).
May we be wise in the friendships we choose. May God guide
us in our decisions in our relationships. May we always remain focused in
prayer, love, and service for all no matter who they might be or what they have
done to us.
QUESTION: How have
you handled friendships that have hindered you?
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