(Photo Courtesy: graphicstock.com)
This is the first time my wife and I have embarked on the
journey of writing a post together. However, what better way to end a week
discussing marriage, than writing with the one I have chosen to spend the rest
of my life with.
So, everyone, this is Natasha.
Natasha, this is everyone.
Hi everyone. (Pretend you hear a female voice.)
Going forward, if there is a thought Natasha shares, I will
put an “N” in parentheses behind her statement. I want her brain to be on
display because seriously, she is extremely smart…and beautiful.
Okay, here we go…
Before Natasha and I got married, there were things we did
and did not discuss. We have learned some hard lessons in our eight years, some
of the lessons have ended other marriages within the first 2 years, but we remained
strong. No matter what, all of the lessons have strengthened our relationship
and our ability to love and respect each other.
We are going to share 6 things we feel every couple headed
towards marriage should consider before exchanging vows…Let's start with the first 3...
1) Communication-
Statistically speaking, this is the #1 reason for divorce (http://patch.com/georgia/marietta/the-top-10-reasons-marriages-end-in-divorce_14370092)
due to the inability to share feelings, struggles, concerns, etc. My life quote
is from C.S. Lewis when he shares “The prayer that precedes all other prayer,
is may the real me meet the real you.” This is fundamental for a marriage to
last. Couples need to be open with their issues and be honest about their hurt
in order to move forward.
Communication is a very important aspect of marriage. I
believe communication is just as pertinent when it comes to the littlest thing
like letting your spouse know you are running late from work to having great
conversations before you lay your heads down at the end of the night. Truly
listening to the heart of your spouse and being present, genuinely present, while
they are being transparent is an important key. (N)
See…told you she’s smart.
2) Finances-
Ooooh, one of my favorite topics. For real. (N) Not mine. (B)
Finances are stressful. Money is a necessary evil in this
world. It doesn’t have to cause stress on your relationship. You are not in it
alone, so be honest and open about the money you have, the money you don’t
have, and the money you wish you had. When you get married, the money is no
longer “yours” or “theirs”, it’s “ours”. You share with each other the pain and
the joy of the bank account.
Financially, we came from very different backgrounds. I came
from a family that stressed the importance of saving for the future, paying
cash for things when possible, and splurging on yourself when able to do so.
Although I can’t entirely speak about the way finances were done in Bobby’s
home growing up, I do know that from the start, he didn’t believe savings was
necessary and may have lived with one or several credit cards. Our marriage
has, for the most part, meshed these two lifestyles together in a balanced way.
I always say, “I always want to know that I go to work because I love my job,
not because I have bills to pay.” We will always strive to live a debt free
life. (N)
In my defense, I did believe savings was necessary, but so was having all my toys. One of the options had to go and...well...savings lost.
3) KIDS- Marrying
your best friend is one of God’s greatest gifts and then having babies with
your best friend makes that blessing even richer. So my advice: marry your best friend and have babies – lots
of them whether it is biological, adopted, or mentored! (If that’s what you
agreed to before marriage.) Raise them to love the Lord and love God’s people
and then be happy when they have lots of Jesus loving babies themselves. (N)
I always knew I wanted kids. When Natasha and I knew we were
getting married, this was a non-negotiable. We were prepared for whatever God
had in store. If we were blessed with our own, we would have several. If we
weren’t, then we would adopt several. If we are able to do both, then we will.
This was our decision. We know kids aren’t for everyone, but don’t marry
someone expecting them to change their mind later. Be open to what God has in
store, but don’t allow someone to change your heart’s desire.
Okay, we know we said six, but we are stopping here for now.
This is already long and we want people to keep reading. So, we will continue
the conversation next week.
See, we are practicing the first point, communication! You now
know what to expect and you won’t divorce the blog.
See you Monday!
QUESTION: Are there
any topics on marriage or anything else you would like me to discuss or write
about in future posts?
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